Life: Short, Precious, Beautiful

Posted on September 22, 2023October 26, 2023memoirs, reflections

“The CAT scan results just came back.”

I stared at the doctor, waiting for him to tell me that everything was fine and I was approved to fly to Charlotte tomorrow. I had been sitting in the NYU Emergency Room for the past four hours and I was anxious to get home, do my laundry, and pack.

“We discovered a blood clot in your brain.”

The next few hours were a blur of more CAT scans, blood tests, and anti-seizure meds being shot through my IV. I had started to feel episodic numbness on the left side of my body on Monday, September 11^th. I was lying on the couch when a weird sensation shot down the left side of my body and my lower leg went completely numb. When I got up and tried to walk, I realized I couldn’t bend my knee or rotate my ankle.

I called my dad thinking I was having a stroke, but the numbness disappeared after two minutes. These episodes came and went throughout the next few days and I foolishly didn’t go to urgent care until Wednesday, September 13^th. My EKG came back normal, but the doctor recommended rushing to the ER immediately for a CAT scan, as he assumed the numbness was a neuro problem.

They called it a brain hematoma. I had experienced an intracerebral hemorrhage – bleeding in the brain that turned into a small blood clot in the anterior cingulate. The clot was irritating the right side of my brain that controlled my motor functions – causing episodic numbness and tingling on the left side of my body.

Further MRIs and an angiogram didn’t reveal any abnormal blood vessels that needed to be operated on. I was examined by neurologists and neurosurgeons, and no one could identify the source of the brain bleed. My blood tests, scans, and an EEG revealed a healthy 25-year-old woman. The only recent change was getting back on birth control pills in July – which can cause strokes/blood clots, particularly within the first 6 months of use.

Lookin like an Asian pear… EEG nodes monitoring my brain are glued under the styrofoam

I was discharged on Friday, September 15^th with orders to rest for a week before returning to work. They prescribed a 30-day supply of Keppra, an anti-seizure medication to prevent the episodic numbness I was experiencing. The blood clot will be naturally reabsorbed by my body in a few months, and I’ll have follow-up MRIs in October and a check-in with my neurologist to ensure everything still looks normal.

Yesterday, I switched from birth control pills (estrogen) to an IUD (progestin). I’m hoping this prevents any future brain bleeds/clots. While I still wake up with mild headaches, I’m feeling stronger every day and looking forward to returning to the office on Monday.

Lesson learned: if you’re ever experiencing numbness, go to the ER immediately! 10/10 recommend Dr. Jose Torres and his neuro team at NYU. Although last week was one of the most terrifying times of my life, I was overwhelmed by the outpouring of love from friends and family.

My boyfriend Mitch was the first to arrive at the hospital on Wednesday night. Hinge’s “designed to be deleted” finally paid off this summer. A few drinks turned into bar hopping, a ferry ride, and ping pong on one of the best first dates of my life. Over the last three months, he’s held me through laughter and tears and taught me what healthy communication looks like. His actions have always spoken louder than his words. I feel like the luckiest girl in the world to be cherished by someone so caring, consistent, and selfless.

The biggest change this year has been re-surrendering my life to God. I joined a community group and started going back to church regularly in April. The group is led by two beautiful souls – Sarah and Christine – and I’ve experienced an abundance of peace and joy in letting go and trusting that God’s plans are better than anything I could imagine for myself. I’ve always valued speed and efficiency – constantly rushing towards the next big thing, but I’ve been learning to slow down and savor the small moments in this season.

After hearing the initial CAT scan results, I sobbed in the ER. Alone, terrified, I wasn’t ready for potential brain surgery. Yet in the midst of that panic, I felt peace descend over me.

“For I know the plans I have for you; plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” – Jeremiah 29:11

Life is beautiful, and I am so thankful to be living it.