Growth

Posted on reflections

“When it feels scary to jump, that’s exactly when you jump. Otherwise, you end up staying in the same place your whole life. And that I cannot do.”

– Abel Morales

We’re three months into 2022 and I’ve hurled myself off a few cliffs already. 

While I wasn’t actively searching for a new job, I received an offer to join Microsoft as a Technical Recruiter in January. Long term, my plan had always been to pivot to tech, but it was a heartbreaking and bittersweet decision to leave my legal recruiting team at Milbank. I wasn’t ready to let go of our exciting summer program plans, the joy of going into our beautiful Hudson Yards office, and the comfort and stability of a team that felt like a family.

Three weeks into Microsoft, I’ve realized it was the best decision I could have made. I’ve met incredible people, learned so many new skills, and wake up excited to log on every day. I get to work from the comfort of my home – sourcing software engineer talent for our growing offices in Atlanta and Dallas. I’ve been thrust into an entirely new world, but the challenge is exciting and growth is imminent.

If you wait until you feel ready, you’ll be waiting for the rest of your life.

Another area of growth I’ve seen lately is in my evolving attachment style. Throughout past relationships, I was a mix of anxious and avoidant. The slightest inconsistencies caused me to overthink and make assumptions that derailed healthy communication. I was controlled by my fear of abandonment — and subsequently pushed people away before they could get close enough to hurt me.

Over the last few months, I’ve been learning what a secure attachment style looks like. Working with my coach Alvinnie Kwok last summer helped me unpack and process many of the childhood events that formed my anxious/avoidant style, so that when I did start dating again, I was ready.

Relationships are hard work. Consistent vulnerability, communication and compromise. I’ve been learning how to love people for who they are, rather than for how they can meet my needs. Honesty can be terrifying, but there’s nothing more rewarding than going all in. Loving boldly, living courageously, exemplifying wholeheartedness — the beauty of intimacy is worth the risk.

When it feels scary to jump, that is exactly when you jump.

This is the year of no regrets.

Author: Alyssa Jackson

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